How Can You Heal Yourself? My Journey to Wellness
Many of you have asked me about my chronic illness, my journey to wellness, and how you can heal yourself. This post tells what I have, how it’s affected me, and what I do to manage symptoms & heal. This story is a backstory on a lifetime of illness and what I have done to overcome it. While difficult to share, and different than usual posts, I know a lot of people are suffering, and hopefully sharing my struggles and successes can help in some way.
This post is also part of a sister post about natural medicine cabinets. To see how I kick illness to the curb on the daily (even as a first grade teacher!), and how you can, too, check out this post.
My Own Journey To Wellness
It’s important to share my backstory here, so you understand the journey it took for me to find all these healing tips. What I’m sharing here is not just some random list of things, it is what I’ve discovered bit by bit from years of being sick.
Also, this post is boiled down. I’m mostly just giving you the facts without all the old and challenging emotions of going through this tied to them. Including all the emotional turmoil of the chronically ill would turn this into a book rather than a blog post. While it may be hard for healthy people to fully comprehend this without as much of the emotion, people who are chronically ill will probably have enough of their own emotions to fill in the cracks.
As many of you know, I have spent much of my lifetime in illness. A lot of you have asked me about it, and the easiest answer is, “I have chronic illness.” This post answers all the follow up questions I normally get, in depth. I know so many other people are currently living with illness, too. Hopefully this post answers these questions, and helps you and your loved ones be healthy.
Hot Take: Being Sick Is A Total Drag
Living your life sick (especially without knowing why) causes a lot of hardships, frustration, devastation, and FOMO. You feel like you can’t make plans, because you never know if you will be too sick to do them. It’s hard to maintain relationships, because you have to constantly bail on people and cancel plans and activities when you’re not feeling well. You start to separate from the world around you.
The Weirdo
It’s hard to skip out on social events. I didn’t like to tell people I was sick, cause I knew it would be hard for them to understand how I could be sick that much. What a weirdo.
My symptoms were also super set off by fragrances, so I would always be wondering which was worse, seeming like a weirdo when friends had me over by asking them not to have plug in air fresheners, or candles, or sprays. Or seeming like a weirdo for having to leave early because I was too sick to stay, and not having a good explanation.
Just being around someone wearing perfume could make me sick for days afterward!
But there are lessons and wisdom that come from all of this, too. Today I’m going to focus on my story, what I’ve learned, and how it may help you, as well.
Born Sick
Even as a tiny child, I don’t have memories of feeling well. My body always seemed to be failing me, and I constantly felt a heaviness and ache inside every part of me. I had no energy, and was more tired than a regular kid should be. I remember my legs and knees hurting so badly all the time. We all thought it was just growing pains.
The symptom that has been with me the longest and bothered me the most was this feeling that my blood and lymph were not smooth or free flowing, but actually heavy and dirty, like concrete setting inside each cell in my body. That is not an easy symptom to explain to a doctor! 😂 It also comes with painful bloating and swelling (which is how I came to nickname myself Violet Beauregard, the gigantic blueberry girl in Willy Wonka. That’s how my body felt inside.). (Later I learned that this is a hallmark sign of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, one of my conditions).
Sinus Infections & Antibiotics
In elementary school I started to be plagued with a lot of pressure in my head and intense headaches. I was diagnosed with sinus infections, and back then doctors prescribed a lot of antibiotics. I was on them for years. And my digestion fell apart pretty substantially at that point. My body started to have major trouble metabolizing and getting rid of waste.
Mono, Disease, & Mental Health
In my late teens and early twenties, I started having issues with depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. I also got a pretty ragin’ case of the mononucleosis.
My cycle was so heavy and intense that I could barely move, and I often had to miss work because it was so hard and painful to leave bed.
I was so tired and sick that I was fired from jobs for not being fast enough, and for missing work. Since I was so young, I didn’t realize I was sick, I just thought this way I felt was normal, and that I was bad at my jobs.
I also developed eczema at this time, but thought it was just from dry winters, and being a baker with my hands in flour a lot of the time.
Colds & Flus
In my twenties I started to be plagued constantly with chronic colds, flus, viruses, ear infections, laryngitis, strep throat, and bronchitis. They would just hit me over and over, one after the other, often many of them all at once. To learn more about how to fight these naturally, check out this post.
Migraines
After a long hard 5 day labor, with many complications, I brought home a beautiful baby. I also started having very severe migraines. They came constantly, and the pain was so blinding that I would vomit. The pain would drop me screaming to the floor. I would make it through the work day (badly) and then collapse in pain in bed as soon as I got home and stay there till the next morning. (I still wish I could have gone back in time and taken those days off. I wish so badly that I would’ve put myself and my family first. I just didn’t realize back then that it was an option). I wasn’t able to care for my son, and my husband had to do almost everything. It was the worst pain I’ve been in in my life, and it was near constant for years.
Neck Pain & TMJ
I still haven’t figured out how this one ties in. But my neck has had a lot of issues and seems to be worse when my other symptoms are flaring up. My chiropractor and I are both confused by my X-Rays. They are consistent with a trauma, a big impact, like a car crash, but I have no history that I can remember of anything like that. So they think it could be from how I was born, stuck, with the chord wrapped around my neck.
Neither of us are sure, but this has been one of my biggest issues, and one of the hardest to manage. It started in my 20s, and still happens today. One of the best tools for this I’ve found recently is The Way Out: A Revolutionary, Scientifically Proven Approach to Healing Chronic Pain by Alan Gordon. I can’t believe how much this helped, especially with how easy it is to do, and for free once you’ve learned the simple process! I’ve also found some success using this Cervical Traction device.
Hypothyroidism, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, & Anemia
Next, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, chronic fatigue syndrome, and anemia. My iron levels were so depleted that I had to get weekly injections. I was deficient in pretty much every marker, vitamin, and mineral, and I viewed my body as broken, faulty, and failing me. I had no energy and spent a lot of time stuck home and in bed.
It’s hard to explain the exhaustion level of chronic fatigue syndrome. It’s like every molecule in your body has been depleted of its lifeforce energy. It’s hard to do pretty much everything, and there is also a lot of pain and swelling. Not great when you have a toddler to take care of!
I was not able to take in nutrients and turn them into energy or dispel waste, so I was deficient in every vitamin and mineral they tested for, and my body carried extra weight that wouldn’t come off no matter how little I ate or how much I exercised. My kidneys were also struggling, and I developed Adrenal Fatigue. My liver and spleen were having issues as well.
The First Things I Tried To Heal
As you can see, I have had a lot of opportunities to heal. While on the journey of trying to figure out why I never felt well, these are the first things I tried:
- Antibiotics
- Conventional doctors
- Emergency room doctors
- Birth control pills (Only for 3 months, with the hopes it would help my cycle. I gained 30 pounds in 3 months)
- Paxil (Only for three months, as these and the birth control really messed me up)
- Neurologists
- Specialists
- Pain pills prescribed by my doctor that were so dangerous they have since been taken off the market 😬
- Allergy Testing
None of these worked well at all for me, and in fact, in most cases made it so much worse.
What Happens When No One Can Fix You?
It’s hard to explain this feeling to someone who hasn’t been sick, but it is so layered and so complex. There is utter despair and hopelessness when no one can “fix” you. There is panic and terror when the pain comes and you can’t stop it. There is worry and anxiety of when it is going to come again. There is concern that since doctors don’t know what it is, it’s not real, and you’re making it up. There is guilt and shame that you can’t do what regular people can. Even though I was pushing myself so hard, I felt unreliable, and like I was disappointing people.
What I now know, as an older woman in another time, is that if a doctor (especially back then) didn’t know what was wrong or how to fix you, it was much easier to say there was something wrong with you, or that you were making it up, than it was to do all the work necessary to find an answer. Or worse yet, to reflect on the fact that they didn’t already know it.
When you have so many different things go wrong, and doctors who aren’t helpful, it’s easy to start to think crazy things. When one doctor couldn’t figure out why I was sick, he suggested I was making it up. Why would I do that? It was such a miserable way to live, and I can’t lie to save my life! I would’ve done anything to feel better. Still, he planted a seed in me. Was I making it up? Was I crazy?
What Do You Do When The Doctors Can’t Help You?
I had believed back then, that if you were sick, you just went to the doctor and they fixed you. And that they would be nice to you, and help you. And I hope that that is the case for most people, I know there are some amazing doctors out there. But this absolutely was not the case for me.
Can You Heal Yourself?
I never used to think so, but my answer now is yes. With knowledge, hard work, and focus, we all have the ability be our own doctors, and find what can help us. Obviously, use a doctor for help as you need them along the way, especially if you have a good one! But these days so many tools and knowledge are available to us.
We Are All Meant To Thrive
After years of pain, agony, and despair, I became obsessed with finding a cure. Quite simply, I would try anything to feel better, and I did. Learning why I was sick, and finding a way to feel better became my full time job—which isn’t easy when you are sick and already have a full time job, but I did it.
How Can You Heal?
Unfortunately, my answer here is hard work. I have spent a fortune on my path to wellness, and so much time. I was desperate and obsessed with finding cures and living the life I believed I was meant to. I wanted so desperately to thrive.
The fear and pain and hopelessness at times took me down completely. But I talked to anyone I could think of, read every book, watched every show. I was so thirsty for information. You never know who might have an answer that can help you.
Before this, conventional medicine was all I had known. I was shocked when it didn’t work, but then started to discover other ways. These next things I tried, I believe, all paved part of the way, in one way or another, on my path to healing:
As I said, each of these things played major or minor roles in my healing. I’m sure there are even more that I just can’t remember anymore. I took little bits of things that worked and started using them when needed.
I don’t share these as a go to guide at all, more like an example that it can take a lot of things, a lot of trial and error, before you find the things that work for you. In my case lots of things helped a little, and some things helped a lot. My motto was pretty much, “I’ll try anything.”
What I Did To Heal
Here’s what that looked like for me:
- Acupressure
- Acupuncture
- Gua Sha
- Dry Brushing
- Chiropractic
- Atlas Orthogonal
- Herbs
- Naturopathic/Functional Medicine
- Hiking
- Walking
- Swimming
- Pilates
- Interval training
- Strength training
- Yoga
- Jin Shin Jyutsu
- Positive Thinking/Law of Attraction
- Meditation
- Rest
- Every vitamin
- Every supplement
- Every book
- Every podcast
- Chinese Herbs
- Tinctures
- Tea
- Food sensitivity testing
- Fasts
- Cleanses
- Shakes
- Smoothies
- Juices
- Powders
- Specialized diets
- Therapy
- Sauna
- Infared sauna
- Salt rooms
- Somatic Tracking
- Massage
- Psych-K
- Earthing
- Essential Oils
- EFT
- Counseling
- EMDR
- Vagus Nerve Exercises—tons on tiktok—really helps with neck tightness
- Lymphatic Drainage—so helpful for so many thing—if you’re local Cohesive Massage is amazing.
When Everything Changed
My biggest breakthrough came in February 2019, when after a severe and intense bout of illness, a nurse at Zoomcare told me I should test for Epstein Barr and Strep. “Why?” I asked, after years of doctors sending me home sick with nothing. “It’s just a virus,” they would say. “Nothing we can do for viruses. Just gotta let them run their course.” I parroted their words back to her.“There’s no cure for viruses,” I said, “What is the point in even testing?”
She told me it’s just something I should know. And then, (Hallelujah), she talked me into testing. I tested negative for Strep, but she encouraged me (Hallelujah) to take the tests for other strains, too.
I was positive for both.
That night, on Instagram, I searched #epsteinbarrvirus and #streptococcus and (Hallelujah) I found Anthony William. As I read, a lifetime of suffering started to make sense. I broke down and sobbed for hours.
This information changed my life completely. I was both so relieved to finally know and understand what was wrong, and devastated to learn what it meant to have this illness. I ordered his book, Medical Medium: Secrets Behind Chronic and Mystery Illness and How to Finally Heal. For the first time ever, I felt like someone was talking right to me, and all my illnesses started to make sense. They fit together like puzzle pieces.
Epstein Barr Virus
So, in 2019, I was finally diagnosed with Epstein Barr virus. If you know about this illness, you already know it is the explanation for all of my previous health issues. A root cause. A reason. And for me, in some ways, a miracle. Finally understanding what was “wrong with me” was the first step in learning how to cure myself.
Epstein Barr virus is the root cause of many autoimmune illnesses, including MS, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, lupus, endometriosis, rheumatoid arthritis, and so many others. It is a truly tragic disease.
Almost everyone has been infected by this virus, but most people get over it fairly quickly. Those that don’t are often plagued for years and lifetimes with mystery chronic illnesses and symptoms.
Those of us with autoimmune disorders have been told for decades that our bodies are attacking themselves. This makes us see ourselves as faulty, broken, like our illness is our fault. I have since learned that this is not true.
It’s Only Crazy If It Doesn’t Work…
Anthony Williams’s information is very unconventional, and so many people have disregarded it. But as someone who has tried everything, I only do what works. No matter how crazy, or painful, or hard, if it works, I will do it.
And learning and healing were definitely hard—one of the hardest things I’ve done—but so worth it! As a lifelong healthy eater, I was shocked by how much I had to change my diet, cutting out gluten, dairy, eggs, corn, soy, most fats, coffee, chocolate, alcohol, natural and artificial flavors, vinegar…pretty much everything except some grains and lots of fruits and vegetables! I also started taking tons of specific and targeted supplements, smoothies, and juices.
People always say to me, “I wish I had your willpower!” But I actually have terrible will power. I am simply desperate to feel well, and towards that goal, I will do anything.
Autoimmune Disorders: Our Bodies Are Not Actually Attacking Themselves
When you stop and think about it, how crazy does this sound? Why would our bodies ever attack themselves? It doesn’t make sense biologically. Through his information, I learned that what looks like our bodies attacking themselves is actually our bodies fighting elusive and usually untested for viruses, often, and in my case, the Epstein Barr virus.
A very common cofactor of the Epstein Barr virus is Strep. There are many different varieties, and you may test negative, but actually have a strain your doctor didn’t test for.
I was diagnosed with both at once, and these two things (as I later learned) finally explained all of my health challenges. Understanding the problem is the first part of the solution.
Acupuncture
I also wanted to share a bit more on acupuncture. I’ve had four acupuncturists. Two were life saving and two didn’t help at all. It’s really important to find someone who is a good fit for your body. My current acupuncturist is not focused at all on the virus, but rather my body.
She said a swamp will have mosquitos, but if you dry up the swamp you don’t have to worry about getting rid of them, they just go away naturally, since the environment is no longer welcoming to them. Since she’s been “drying up my swamp,” I’ve felt much better, and am able to eat a much less restrictive diet, as well.
There’s Nothing Wrong With Us
One of the greatest gifts of this diagnosis for me was finally understanding there was nothing wrong with my body, and nothing wrong with me. My body had actually been heroically fighting for me for decades. While I was condemning it, it was tirelessly fighting viruses and bacteria throughout my entire body.
While I had been messing with my diet for years, trying to figure out on my own how to heal and not irritate my symptoms, the diagnosis led me to finally find what I really should be eating.
If any of this story resonates with you, I would suggest Anthony Williams books. He covers so many chronic illnesses in detail. The books that helped me the most were:
- Medical Medium: Secrets Behind Chronic and Mystery Illness and How to Finally Heal: This is a good place to start, as it is a reference for many common mystery chronic illnesses that explains their cause and how to heal from them.
- Liver Rescue: This one is a very thorough text book that I read cover to cover multiple times. For me, it explained A LOT! It also includes the cleanse in the video linked below.
- Life Changing Foods: This one will change the way you think of foods forever. It includes in depth information on how specific foods heal you and which foods are best for which symptoms. Great for gardeners, too!
But You Don’t Seem Sick…
This is something that people who are chronically ill hear sometimes, and it is easy to understand why. People with chronic illness are forced to pull it together to survive, and we get really good at faking it. There’s not much choice. Feeling sick becomes so normal for us, that sometimes we don’t even realize how much it was effecting us until we are feeling well again.
But that’s not the only reason. Many people actually will be just fine—until they have a flare up, and it is hard to predict when that will be. In my case, after a ton of hard work, if you see me, it’s almost always because I actually am mostly fine. My symptoms are well managed and my flare ups are more rare. (I never thought I’d say that sentence, and I am beaming (and crying!) right now as I type it). I still have tough days here and there, but they are much more minor now.
I have a friend who asked me how I can go walking and hiking all the time if I’m sick. For me, it is medicine. It makes me feel so much better, that if I have anything in the tank at all, I will do it. Movement helps me very much.
So it is very common that the people you know will not seem sick when you see them. It’s when you don’t see them that they are struggling. When you realize you haven’t seen them out in a while, or they haven’t called or texted. That’s when they could be sick.
You Can Heal
The reason I share all of this (besides to answer the questions I always get!), is to show you how I’ve gotten to where I am, and the things I’ve done to heal.
All bodies are different, and need different things, but some things are also universal. I could write a whole book on the things I’ve done over the course of my lifetime to heal chronic illness. It has been the biggest challenge and hardship of my life. But I have also learned so much.
Healing Is Not A Straight Path
Healing is not linear, and it can be so frustrating to have set backs and flare ups. But it also makes you so sweetly savor the times when you do feel well. I like to think people who have struggled with their health and illness enjoy the good times even more than anyone else, because we truly understand how special they are. Each moment your body is working for you is an incredible gift.
While I will probably always live with some fear of being taken down once again by illness, I know I am so much stronger and better prepared now. I have a fighting chance. I also know today, at age 42, because of all the work I’ve done and the things I’ve learned and tried, I feel better now than ever in my life before. And that is no small thing, either.
What To Do When You Have A Setback
This year I finally went to a therapist to talk about how I can change my thoughts about chronic illness. I was angry and sad about how my life could have been if I wasn’t sick.
It is wrapped in a lot of trauma for me, and is so triggering when I get sick. Will it be for a little time, or a long time? Is it just a germ, or a chronic condition? Will I get better? What will I miss out on? How long will it take? These thoughts may seem exaggerated or illogical, but when you’ve spent huge portions of your life in chronic illness, they make perfect sense.
My therapist wondered if I could reframe it as a chance to rest. Like, oh cool, I can stay in bed today! Or I can finally read that book. Or I can be lazy on my phone today.
It’s weird as someone who is passionate about rest and being lazy, that it’s hard for me to reframe it like that, but I’m trying.
This week I had to cancel two things I was really looking forward to, and I also haven’t been able to do the projects and activities around the house that I wanted. Or catch up on work. Or make cookies with my kid. Or wrap presents.
My symptoms are mild, but there is no energy in my body. It’s hard to do anything. And I don’t know why, but it still makes me feel guilty.
I had been symptom free for the past two months, which is a record for me. I have felt on top of the world!
So it is easy to think because of this minor setback over the past few days, that I’m actually not healing, and ignore that huge milestone. But that would be a waste. Healing is never linear. It is a maddening up and down, forward and backwards, high and low. My worst days now are like my best days back when I was really sick.
So even with the frustration, I am keeping perspective, celebrating my accomplishments, and trying to relish being lazy in bed on my phone on sick days.
Is this something you’ve been through? What pep talks do you give yourself about it?
Things I Do When I Have Flare Ups
These are some reminders I try to give myself when setbacks come.
- Rest: Just letting go and giving into this will heal you much faster in the long run. Our bodies tell us what they need. I know it is hard to miss out on things you’d rather be doing, but it is so much better to listen the first time.
- Be Neutral: It’s important to remind ourselves that this is temporary. For me it is so easy to get caught up in negative thoughts. It is a waste of time. We don’t know what is going to happen. Let your thoughts be neutral and matter of fact about it. Just an observer.
- Be Present: We often get lost in worry and anxiety with chronic illness, or we frantically try to stop it. Try to just be in the moment, feel the pain and discomfort. Our bodies are usually trying to get us to focus on a specific area. I am constantly surprised by how fast it dissipates when I let myself just feel it directly. This book, The Way Out, and this podcast really helped me with this!
My Natural Medicine Cabinet
One gift of being sick in so many ways, for such a long time, is that I have a stellar collection of things I do when I feel illness coming on now that really work! This post is a backstory of why I know how to heal now. It’s because I did.
Check out this post’s sister post to learn what I do now when I feel illness coming on.
I’m in no way any kind of doctor or medical professional, and I don’t know what’s best for you, these are simply the things that have really worked for me. To learn more, check out my Natural Medicine Cabinet article, How To Stay Healthy Naturally.
My Healing Garden
But how does all this relate to growing a garden? Or having an urban homestead? Through Anthony Williams’ books, I learned even more about plants and how they heal us. (The coolest book for this is Life Changing Foods). Being able to grow your own food makes such an incredible impact on your health.
It is also so good for your mind, body, and spirit to be out in the fresh air with your hands in the dirt. There are tons of scientific studies about this, but once you try it, you’ll just feel it. For me planting a garden is a major way you can heal yourself.
Are You Ready?
If you’re ready to start your own thriving urban homestead, and would like more detailed guidance, click here! Homestead in the City is a friendly, simple, robust and detailed course that will take you from beginner to urban homesteader in one growing season!
Learn everything you need to know about garden planning, space creating, planting, growing, harvesting, cooking, and preserving. Filled with tips to save you time, money, and heartache, this is our most popular course!
To learn more about growing your own food, even in the city, and also how to cook recipes that are compatible with this type healing, using foods you’ve grown yourself, check out my star spangled course, Homestead in the City.
Resources
There are more resources in the sister article, How To Stay Healthy Naturally, but here are a few things to help you fight chronic illness along the way.
These are some tools I use to fight chronic pain and illness:
- Medical Medium: Secrets Behind Chronic and Mystery Illness and How to Finally Heal by Anthony William
- Medical Medium Liver Rescue by Anthony William
- Medical Medium Life Changing Foods by Anthony William
- Heated Table Warmer: Heat really helps my symptoms and I keep this on my bed if I’m having a flare up
- Acupressure Mat: My husband says I use this as a booby trap, and does not like finding it in our bed! It can hurt a bit if you’re not used to it. A good work around is to wear clothes when you’re first starting, so it’s not as sharp. But this really helps with stagnation and getting energy circulating in your body. Great if you feel a cold coming on, too.
- Gua Sha: Good for energy flow, lymph, and swelling
- Foam Roller: Good for energy flow, lymph, and swelling
- TENS Unit: Great for when you can’t get into acupuncture—good for energy, digestion, aches, and pains, etc
- Vitamin C: There is a lot of research showing how beneficial mega doses of vitamin C can be for both chronic & acute illness. I live by this stuff and take it every day. Besides keeping my immune system strong, it helps tremendously with my pain and swelling. This brand is pricey, but it’s the only one I take.
- Zinc: If you are getting sick a lot, or have chronic illness, I recommend getting your zinc checked as soon as possible. I started taking mega doses as I started healing, and my dr. and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t taking too much. Even after all that, I was still bottomed out on my levels! I am finally at a regular level now, a few years later. Many people who are low in zinc have chronic illness.
- Earthing Mat: I know this one sounds crazy, but it is amazing. I sleep on it and wake up pain free now.
I Believe In You
If you are on a similar journey, please know that I and so many others understand your pain. It can be so lonely and madenning when you are chronically ill. I hope this post has given you some tools and some hope as you continue to heal.
Wishing you all the best in health!
Other Posts You May Enjoy
Here are some more articles that may be helpful to you on your healing journey.
- How To Stay Healthy Naturally
- Gluten Free Vegan Blueberry Pancakes
- How To Make Your Own Vegetable Stock For Free
- New Year, New Backyard Vegetable Garden
- A Gardener’s Guide To Winter
- Gardening In A Small Space
- Health Benefits Of Growing Lemon Balm
- Raspberry Leaf Tea
- How To Harvest & Dry Your Own Herbs
Just Getting Started?
Grab our free guide, The Beginner’s Guide To Urban Homesteading
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